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What is football?

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I am not a football fan. 25 men running around a field just doesn’t interest me. Today a colleague was trying to explain to me what football is and it made me giggle:

OK.  I can see I need to explain. Picture this.  A lot of [overpaid people with bad attitude] run around some grass, kicking a plastic pig’s bladder, and trying to get it through some sticks.

Another couple of guys run around blowing whistles and waving flags.

Many people go along and/or watch on television, become unnecessarily excited, and shout things at the [overpaid people with bad attitude], in a display of primitive tribal behaviour.

Then at the end, one lot jump over the moon, and the other are sick like parrots (that’s the foreign food kicking in – they’re all teetotal, after all).

The ones who’ve been sick consider themselves ritually humiliated, so they got home and grumble for several years.

England’s “team” includes a troll with bad attitude, but he can’t take part right now because of behaving like a troll previously…

See, simple!

(One day there’ll be an app for that so they don’t have to bother.  Then we can all be ritually humiliated.)

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